


Unraveling

by Kaishiru



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Declarations Of Love, Depressing, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Everything Hurts, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Loss, Lost Love, Love, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Mild Language, One Shot, Sadness, mentions of cannibalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 01:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8036362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaishiru/pseuds/Kaishiru
Summary: We can only hope things turn out well in the end.[Takes place towards the end of Tokyo Ghoul Root A episode 12.]





	Unraveling

**Author's Note:**

> **Author's Notes:** The first official thing I write for HideKane and it's angst. I mostly wanted to write about Kaneki's thought process during the events of episode 12 of the anime. I can only hope I did decent work for my first contribution to this ship. Episode 12 of Root A ruined me, man. ~~Suffer with me.~~ (*´∇｀*)

He needed to go back… He needed to go back to Anteiku no matter what. His hand gripped at the concrete wall of a building to keep himself upright. It was difficult with the blood he was losing. Seems like his astounding regenerative abilities were slowed down significantly by Amon’s quinque during their fight too. The half ghoul was losing more blood than his body was desperately trying to regenerate. A trail of blood was unintentionally being left as he walked, tainting the snow on the ground red. His vision wavered as more blood dripped from his abdomen. Kaneki was seconds from losing consciousness. He was irrevocably fucked if he didn’t eat something. No, he couldn’t eat. Not anymore. After losing his sense of self during his fight against Shinohara, never again. Kaneki didn’t want to eat anymore after realizing what kind of monster he had become. Committing the act of cannibalism made him powerful but, his mind was slowly descending further into madness.

Yamori fucked him up physically and mentally. It was only fair for the white haired ghoul to do the same to that sadistic fuck by devouring him. Now Kaneki is doing it to himself... Allowing himself to descend into the unadulterated madness someone else caused. Eating ghouls and putting those associated with the ones who are trying to fuck him over, in their place. It came at the price of him dealing with a near uncontrollable kakuja and an array of mental issues.. But Kaneki desperately wants to come back from that hell. Back to a place he called home.

If he can get to Anteiku, everything would be okay.

He would be okay.

Kaneki’s legs finally gave out on him and he collapsed face first onto the ground. The coldness of the snow registers in his mind as he tries to drag himself to the coffee shop he is fond of. His fingers dug into the light snow covering the ground in a weak attempt to drag himself there. He was likely a few blocks away. Just a little more…

“Have…to… get to…” he murmured weakly. “…Anteiku…”

He loses consciousness as his strength leaves him.

•••

The sound of the coffee shop bustling wakes him and he is happy to see Anteiku is still here. It felt warm, comforting to be here. Like home. Yeah, this place is Kaneki's new home ever since he had became a ghoul. And bit by bit, he had began cherishing it and the other ghouls there as such. Including Nishio despite the older male being a complete ass to him. Kaneki cared for everyone and respected them because each of them accepted him into a world he was unwillingly thrust into.

He managed to get to his feet and surveyed his surroundings. Everyone was here alright. Even Uta and Itori decided to visit. They were talking amongst themselves while Yomo sat next to them, quiet as ever. Even Hide was chatting with Touka who seemed a bit taken aback by his exuberant personality. A knowing smile crosses Kaneki’s features as he takes in all his friends and coworkers in one place, knowing this is what he wanted to protect no matter what. So no one can take away the place he calls home. Those who try will regret it.

The scenery quickly changed around him and each of his friends disappeared one by one as the shop turned dark. Then it was completely empty as if they had closed shop for the day.

 _‘Oh, now I see…’_ A bitter sadness hit him and he tried to keep the tears at bay as soon as he felt that familiar sting in his eyes. He wanted to see everyone. To see if they are safe from the CCG. His coworkers are okay since he saved them but his boss…

Kaneki shook his head, wanting to deny his boss had been killed for a while longer. Though, he could not ignore that sickening feeling in his gut, sinking lower and lower… Everything was over isn’t it. He may lose everything he ever cared about. And he is still severely wounded. It’s all fucked, isn’t it.

The sound of someone preparing coffee finally registers with him and he turned his head towards the sound. He was alarmed yet relieved someone is actually here. Thank goodness.

Kaneki knows who it is before he could see him in the dim light coming from outside. But he wishes to confirm with his own eyes it isn’t a trick of his heightened senses.

“Ew… Bitter,” A familiar voice comments after another sound of him setting the mug down. Kaneki felt his heartbeat pick up pace and a warm feeling accompanied it.

Hide. His one and only love. He had not seen him in months and Kaneki wondered if his boyfriend was angry with him. Kaneki had went missing a few days before his own birthday and because he didn’t return to Anteiku or school, he was sure Hide was worried sick. He hadn’t called, texted, or emailed him. It hurt Kaneki to know he had likely hurt Hide.

 _Drip_. A single drop of blood hits the floor. It goes unnoticed.

A small wave of anxiety flowed through him as his beloved approached him with two cups of coffee in his hand after several minutes. Then it left him when his human lover smiled his warm, radiant smile that always reached his warm brown eyes. His blond hair glistened faintly in the artificial light of the streetlamps from outside. God, Hide was really handsome. It was not why Kaneki loves him. Kaneki felt his cheeks warm up just from the other male’s presence. How can he have a profound effect on him at a time like this? Surely someone was going to find him sooner or later and Hide would be in danger. He didn’t want that.

 _Drip. Drip._ More blood drops on the floor.

His boyfriend set the coffees on the small table near them and took a sip from his own before cringing in disgust. “Ehhh… Still pretty bitter. Sorry, Kaneki. I can’t seem to make coffee as good as you.” The look on Hide’s face was a little funny. Kaneki chuckled lightly in amusement.

“Hey, don’t tease me. I was trying to make the coffee for you,” he pouts and Kaneki couldn’t help but laugh a little before he apologizes.

“Sorry, Hide.” Kaneki replied, still smiling at Hide. He was so happy he was the one who found him instead of another ghoul investigator. He would actually be dead if he were to engage another one of them. Especially if they had a high level quinque.

At this thought, Kaneki remembered he is a ghoul. And he has his kakugan in his left eye activated. And even more, Hide is _looking right at him._

A small gasp leaves his lips as he covers his left eye, averting his gaze from Hide’s face. He didn't want Hide to see him as a monster. He didn’t want Hide to know. His only friend and lover could possibly detest him or leave him. This is bad. This is really bad. Hide knows now and after being gone for several months, he was sure this would sour their relationship. Kaneki couldn’t quell his anxiety as Hide approached him. Why is he so afraid? Surely Hide was not an investigator and he definitely didn’t have a quinque on or near him. This is it. This moment is where their relationship will change. He was scared. Scared of Hide rejecting him, shunning him.

He jolted slightly when he felt a gloved hand touch the one covering his eye, gently coaxing him to remove it. His kakugan activated eyes is now visible to Hide again and Kaneki hesitantly allowed himself to glance at Hide.

“I knew the whole time,” he admitted to the half ghoul with a warm smile. “You’re still you, Kaneki. The same you that I love. I don’t see you as a monster.” It really surprised Kaneki and even more when Hide’s hand still held his once he gently coaxed it from covering his eye.

He knew. Hide knew… And he accepted him. Kaneki couldn’t have been happier and so, so relieved. He was relieved Hide still loves him. His lips made contact with the gloved hand, wanting to kiss the skin beneath it so much as he had done before.

_Drip, drip._

“You were all over the news for a while and even got a cool nickname! Eye patch, wasn’t it? Pretty cool of you, Kaneki,” Hide beamed.

Kaneki smiled sheepishly at the compliment. “I don’t think the CCG shares the same sentiment,” Kaneki noted, feeling oddly strange with his boyfriend finding him cool.

“Maybe, but I knew you were alright after hearing your nickname and seeing glimpses of you on TV.”

“Sorry for making you worry, Hide.”

The hand the blond was holding was brought to his lips and he kissed it. “It’s fine. It means we can go back home together.”

Kaneki smiled a real smile then. He can still have a life with Hide. The one who still connects him to the human world. This made him so happy…

 _Drip, drip, drip_. More drops of blood hits the floor, copious amounts of it. And the sweet scent hits Kaneki’s nose. His feeling of euphoria dissipated with the feeling of absolute dread took its place. His eyes trailed down Hide’s body and found a pretty serious wound in the middle of his abdomen. And it was very deep, the blood came out profusely and dyed the front of his dark gray outfit in dark red. How did Kaneki not notice the wound in the beginning? The smell of Hide's blood was very potent to him.

The cloying sweetness only proceeded to get stronger. No…

Kaneki blanched when he sees Hide's face contorting in pain, his heart wrenched painfully when his friend smiled at him sheepishly as he dropped to his knees. Hide clutches his stomach and a groan slips out of his mouth while Kaneki joins him on the ground, his hands reaching out to touch his fragile human lover who looked even more fragile now. Another stab of pain in Kaneki's heart when Hide looks up at him, his brown eyes a little misty, but still so beautiful.

“Let’s go home, Kaneki,” he manages to get out, his face still shows obvious signs of pain even when he smiles at the half ghoul. It still reaches his eyes and Kaneki feels as though his heart literally feels like it is shattering from how beautiful and radiant it is. Hide is the sun for him, and it seems like that sun is setting for the final time.

The smile soon falls just a bit as Kaneki catches Hide before he collapses onto the floor. He felt the lump form in the back of his throat and tried to swallow it so he could talk. “Yeah… Let's go home, Hide.”

Kaneki carefully supported Hide's upper body with one of his arms as he used his free hand to cup his cheek. In the next moment, Kaneki connected his lips with Hide's for a kiss. Warm. He felt nothing but love and admiration for this boy. The fact he loved the blond boy more than life itself. He felt so grateful to him…for everything. The ghoul wanted to convey everything he felt for Hide into this kiss. He tried to hold back the tears when Hide returned the kiss and weakly squeezed the hand cupping his cheek. Just as Kaneki pulled away, the hand that squeezed his own had fallen lifelessly to the floor with a soft thump.

 _‘No...’_ Kaneki sat there, not wanting to believe his one and only love departed from this world. Yet, Hide's lifeless body lays in his arms. Every last bit of life has left his beloved and there wasn't anything Kaneki could do about it if it were possible for him.

His heart is gone. Hide is gone. He's gone forever. The constant sun in his life has set, never to shine his warm radiant light on his life again. It's all fucked now. Everything is fucked. The only thing he can do now is give his friend a proper burial.

However, Kaneki couldn’t move from his place on the floor, still clutching onto Hide. He didn't want to. Not even as flames suddenly erupted around him. The colors of the flames painted the dark scenery in addition to him and Hide, orange and red. They could burn him alive for all he cared. Nothing connected him to the world he once knew. The only thing that did is no longer alive. His chest hurt with the most intense heartache he ever had. Kaneki hadn’t felt like this since his mother died, yet this… This feeling was much worse. It felt like someone punched a hole in his chest, set his heart on fire, letting the fire bloom before ripping his heart from him. Each beat of his heart felt painful. Like living had become a meaningless thing. Grief overtook him and he held Hide's lifeless body closer, the warmth quickly dissipating from his love's skin. It only made this seem more real than he wanted it to be.

He felt dead. Kaneki _wanted_ to be dead. It would be better than feeling the pain he is feeling now. The pain and heartbreak was too much to bare.

His eyes burned with tears that eventually spilled over, falling in constant after stream from his eyes. A red tear streak fell from his left eye along with clear ones from his right onto the cheek of his deceased love of his life. Quiet sobs escaped him, his shoulders quivering lightly as he hunched over. The flames swelled, licking and burning everything it touched, breaking the porcelain mugs and glass cabinets.

Anteiku was going to burn to the ground with him in it and Kaneki didn’t care. Hide is gone. He didn’t move as he continued holding the lifeless body close, whispering his name.

“Hide…”

**Author's Note:**

>  **Author's Note:** Because I am on mobile data again at the moment and have no idea when I will get wifi again, my reading Tokyo Ghoul has halted. At the moment, I am still on chapter 86 of it. I have a long, long ways until I can actually read tg: re.... So please, no spoilers in the comments.


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